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The current period signifies a ten-year milestone since the phrase “ghosting” entered the public consciousness. Back then, the concept that someone could abruptly cease communication with a romantic interest without any notice seemed like the height of rudeness. Our innocence was charming. In the ten-year span since, navigating toward a significant other has only become more confounding – an commonly pointless pursuit in awkwardness that is increasingly shaped by online lingo.

Zoomers, a demographic who came of age during a social isolation crisis, a male identity crisis, and a coordinated challenge on the freedoms of women and the queer community, faces a far messier landscape than their millennial predecessors could ever fathom. And so their romantic glossary has grown longer and more deranged, with terms like “Shrekking” and “monkey branching” pushing the limits of your sanity.

What follows is a comprehensive glossary to the words Zoomers is using to navigate love, sex and the quest of both. To paraphrase one of the year’s most enduring memes, by the conclusion of this guide you’ll long to get back to a bygone era – because wherever that is, it is free from “wokefishing”.

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The Letter A

Realness – For gen Z, romance's gold standard is presenting as your real, unfiltered self. Best wishes with that!

B

Bird theory – A online phenomenon loosely based on a framework developed by relationship scientists, in which you mention something minor – for example, “I saw a bird today” – and note whether your date's reply is inquisitive or brushed off. If they aren't interested to hear more about the bird, you two are not compatible.

Black cat girlfriend – Zoomers' response to the “quirky fantasy girl” stereotype of the early 2000s – but rather than having baby bangs, liking indie music and eschewing commitment, the black cat girlfriend prioritizes herself while exuding mystery and independence. (She might still have that fringe.)

C

Seat theory – This refers to choosing someone who supports you without being asked. If you entered a room, they would get a chair for you to take a load off.

Errand romance – A outing where two people connect while running errands, such as pet care or food shopping. In other words, how financially strained twentysomethings do low-cost dating in a post-cheap-date world.

Crashing out – Losing it when you feel burdened by life. You can lose it over a crush or split, dumping all of your unreciprocated feelings.

The Letter D

DINK – Dual income no kids. Once a signifier of 1980s young urban professional excess, it refers to couples who opt out of having children to prioritize their own happiness. Or because they find it financially impossible to become parents.

The Letter E

Vulnerable signaling – The opposite of playing it cool: practicing dialogue, transparency and vulnerability.

The Letter F

Indicators

• Warning signs – Behavioral traits indicating a prospective partner is bad news. Examples include calling their exes crazy, poor gratuity habits, a fondness for Woody Allen films, a new DJ career …
• Good indicators – These traits validate your choice to date a partner. Examples include checking in to make sure you got home safe after a date, minimal phone use, having a proper bed …
• Beige flags – These typically describe niche, mostly harmless idiosyncrasies. Examples include being an keen ornithologist, still carrying around a pen in their wallet, paying rent in physical money …

Shared obsession pairing – When you find someone who’s just as passionate about films about the second world war or DVD collecting or art or whatever it may be, as you. Or, on the flip side, meeting someone who loathes the same things or individuals that you do (nothing builds intimacy faster than sharing a common enemy).

G

Geese – A band many young men is into.

Zombie-ing – Someone who pops back into your life after a period of silence.

Loyal boyfriend – Someone who is friendly, accommodating and devoted. The uncommon partner who is adored by all of his significant other's friends, and a black cat girlfriend's counterpart.

Prolonged session enthusiasts – A mostly online community of men so fixated with self-pleasure that they attempt lengthy sessions, intentionally postponing orgasm so they can go on as long as possible.

The Letter H

Gloomy heterosexuality – A mindset describing many women’s increasing cynicism toward straight relationships. It will come as no surprise to anyone who read the previous entry.

High-value woman – An stereotype championed by manosphere figures: a woman who is sexually desirable, nurturing and contentedly domestic, who seemingly has no ambitions of her own aside from satisfying her man partner. Maybe now you’re beginning to understand the whole “pessimism” thing better?

The Letter I

Ick factors – Random and often mundane repulsions that instantly extinguish any feelings of attraction.

“Actions speak louder" – Something to keep in mind after you watch someone else get an extremely sweet display.

The Letter J

Professions – These have not been this significant in the romance landscape since the Wall Street era. For some women, a “man in finance” is the ideal partner: a preppy, Republican-coded guy who will provide (there’s a popular TikTok audio on the topic). Meanwhile the anti-capitalist crowd opt for partners in sectors they believe are being staffed by the more emotionally available among us: nurses, educators or counselors.

The Letter K

Locking lips – This year, researchers learned that the kiss has been around for 16 million years. But the days of locking lips may be limited since some gen Z prefer fewer sex scenes in movies, as they are having less sex themselves and do not find cinematic romance authentic.

Enhanced profile crafting – Mild deception. Or, not exactly lying about who you are, but maybe using older (better) pictures of yourself on a online profile, or making your job sound more important than it is. Also known as {