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One Side: Beth

At times she films me while I’m eating. It's jarring to spot myself on her Instagram – it’s like a sudden shock.

A close companion of a decade, Marielle, labels herself the “creativity monarch”. It can be amusing for a short while, but it weighs on our relationship.

She is an extrovert, there's a constant urge the need to record everything constantly. During meals out, she says, “The phone eats first,” and snaps pictures with the flash on, which induces embarrassment. It's unpleasant when strangers see her posing or filming – I get secondhand embarrassment. Another annoyance is because the food gets cold.

She's not quite an influencer yet, but Marielle is aspiring to become one. She creates vlogs about city life, a day in her life, and her styling career. The material is quality, credit where it's due, but I don’t want to be dragged into it. On occasion she films me while dining, or just accompanying her. I’ll see myself on her feed later, and it comes like a surprise: I might be bare-faced, making a strange expression or be captured while eating. It’s uncomfortable.

Marielle also anticipates that I will to record her at inconvenient times. Often I'm in conversation to another person, or we’ll just be spending time in the street. The dynamic feels like our friendship has transformed into me serving as her unpaid videographer. She has the means to hire someone if she wanted professional shots. Upon mentioning my unease about this arrangement, she dismissed it. I've been invited to several brand events, which were appreciated, but that doesn't compensate for all the energy I invest helping her make content.

I’m grateful that she has helped me with my design career, but I resist our friendship to become just a ledger of exchanges. I don't believe she’s fake or dishonest, but at times I feel that if the camera is out, we will start performing in a way that makes us look good for her vlog.

Her directive is, “OK, look happy!” and film me laughing with another. It feels forced. It's crucial her to understand that our decade-long friendship still has boundaries. I enjoy being with her, but I also want to experience it without being filmed, edited, or posted for an viewers. I’m not a prop for her online persona.

The Defence: The Content Creator's View

I want Beth to see that the content we produce together can get us a foot in the door.

I love creating videos. It's more than a pastime; it's integral to who I am. Creating videos and documenting experiences online allows me to show my personality and connect with people in novel forms.

I wouldn't label myself as a full influencer yet, but it's savvy to make money from your interests. I look up to people on social platforms who execute that style of informal, self-made content creation.

Content creation is my interpretation of engaging with life: observing the nuances, sharing them with an viewership that appreciates the art behind it. I never intend to make Beth uneasy. Bringing her to industry events was my method of offering access, giving her a opportunity to witness behind-the-scenes moments that could benefit her career in design too. That isn't leverage, it's simply being realistic.

I’d still take her to these events even if she didn’t help me, but I want her to see the benefits the content we make together can achieve: an opening. I know not all people enjoys being on camera, but often spontaneity is what makes content genuine. Appearing on video occasionally is part and parcel of being my companion. I would delete anything she requested, but she hasn't made such a request yet.

I don't demand anybody to be my private filmmaker, but friends help each other in minor capacities. I thought filming a clip here or there would be fun for her. Innovation flourishes in partnership, and having Beth around makes endeavors energetic and enjoyable. I don't compel her to take part in anything, and I would never deliberately embarrass her. But filming together sometimes is part of how I document our time together.

I cherish Beth’s friendship deeply and want to avoid content creation to drive a wedge between us. I’m willing to compromise: like asking before recording, and avoiding angles that might make her self-conscious.

This isn’t about power, it's regarding expressing my perspective while still respecting hers. Clearly content creation is not a replacement for real connection: it's merely part of how I experience life and I desire her to be involved in a way that’s agreeable for both of us.

The Jury: Reader Opinions

Is it right for her to stop recording herself and Beth when they are out together?

Nothing is more excruciating than having a companion film you. I get that it’s Marielle’s job, but I don’t make friends come to my workplace. Perhaps she can find influencer friends to create content with. Given the dark, looming future of AI, personal relationships are the only thing we have – don’t waste them!
Liberty, 25

When pursuing something professionally, you can’t ask your friends for help every time, even if they have done it before. If Marielle loves creating, that doesn’t mean everyone around her is content. She needs to honor Beth’s personal space.
Another reader, 26

She may enjoy making content and displaying her life online, but it isn't for everyone. It was kind she has helped Beth’s career, but she must to listen to what her friend desires.
A commenter, 27

It sounds like you value each other, so cling to that and ensure it’s the priority in your friendship. Foster some real experiences, where genuine feelings are preserved, not online archives. Even public figures who seem to reveal their worlds actually have more secrecy than it appears.
One opinion, 53

Marielle appears to be neither present nor genuine when she’s with Beth – she’s working. Both seem confused as to what’s reasonable. The solution is not found in trying to alter one another, but in each setting defined limits around what is comfortable to them and seeing if there is an mutually agreeable middle ground.
Barbara, 71

Your Turn to Be the Judge

Consider this question: is Marielle exploiting their bond?